Why Is My Wife Always Irritated With Me?

why is my wife always irritated with me

Why is my wife always irritated with me when I am a nice guy, love her to death and will do anything for her and our family?

Your wife’s irritation with you may be caused by something small like the way you brush your teeth but underneath that there is something deeper. Her needs may not be fulfilled, your communication has broken down or your egos have taken over.

Most of what I have written here revolves around controlling and directing your own mind and emotions to direct and control your own point of attraction.

What you ARE on a daily basis really matters.

It not only matters in how you experience your life but it ultimately dictates what you will attract more of (or fail to attract) into your life.

Nothing affects your energy as much as intimate and personal relationships.

It’s easy to say you should raise your vibration and focus on feeling good when you are in a relationship that is negative or destructive.

There is an energy in any relationship that you are part of and whether you want to or not it WILL affect you profoundly.

The good news is that it really only takes one person to change a relationship.

The bad news is that you have to overcome your ego to a certain extent if you want to reach this point.

I am certainly not claiming to be a relationship expert. What I want to offer here is some deeply personal experience and what actually works in real life.

Relationships, Arguments, Frustrations and The Nature of Sharing Your Life With Someone

As with many marriages, I have experienced first hand the struggles that are inevitable with a busy life, a young family and the time and financial pressures of life.

What I just could not figure out is, why is my wife always irritated with me?

I’m a ‘nice guy’ who will do anything for my wife and kids.

All the small things tend to push my wife’s buttons though and I can just sense the constant irritation that I am to her.

As an empath, I probably pick up so much more of this than most which in turns make me acutely sensitive to almost everything I say and do.

This only adds to the stress on myself and on the relationship.

Some of the questions haunting me are whether it is my fault or hers?

Is it even anyone’s fault?

Is it ‘normal’ and how can I transcend this?

I have no interest in trying to change my wife. I am only interested in changing myself and in doing that I know I will affect any and all the change needed to manifest and realize the loving, kind, respectful and joyous relationship that we desire.

I think a lot of this also applies to you if you are a wife dealing with an angry husband who is always irritated with you.

This irritation and frustration is very common in relationships. It is even more common in relationships that don’t ‘boil over’ on a regular basis.

In some ways your mind wants to ‘get rid’ or let go of negative emotions which is why there are often arguments.

Letting negative thoughts and emotions vester is one very big reason why frustration builds in relationships.

Why Do We Get Irritated With a Partner?

If only you were more like me then we would get along much better.

Men and women fulfill their emotional needs differently and because we filter everything through our own minds we tend to lose sight of this fact.

Being irritated with someone can be defined as the state of feeling annoyed, impatient, or slightly angry.

It usually reveals itself as passive aggressive behavior. When this goes on over a period of time, it can become ‘normal behavior’ and before you know it the relationship is dominated by this sort of irritated responses to even the smallest things.

The things that irritate us in others usually reflect something that irritates us within ourselves.

This is a higher level of understanding that allows us to look within for solutions instead of pointing fingers and demanding someone else to change so we can feel better about ourselves.

6 Reasons Why Your Wife Is Always Irritated With You

When small and insignificant things trigger your wife to flip out then it’s almost always a sign of some deeper irritation.

You leaving the toilet seat up is never the real issue. When your wife is irritated with you then it usually builds up.

Small things might give her a reason to erupt but it is never the cause of the eruption. So, why is my wife always irritated with me? What are the real underlying causes? Here are the 7 biggest ones I have identified.

1. The Perceived Lack of Appreciation

Why is my wife always irritated with me if I treat her so well? What you may perceive as loving gestures can easily be interpreted the wrong way.

It may also do nothing towards meeting your wife’s real needs for emotional support.

What makes people feel appreciated differs from one person to the next. What men and women perceive as appreciation differs vastly.

Understanding your wife’s real needs, how she perceives acts of appreciation and how you need to communicate it is YOUR job.

Spelling out in no uncertain terms that she is a great mom, that she is doing a wonderful job and that you are grateful for what she does on a daily basis is really important.

Highlighting specific things she does that you are grateful for not only makes her see that you pay attention but it helps build her self esteem.

When you do your best, work really hard and still get no recognition or appreciation it adds to your own frustration immensely.

2. Her Needs Are Not Being Fulfilled

As we started opening up more to each other, I found that the major reason why my wife was always irritated with me was simply because she did not feel that her needs are being met.

This does not refer to intimate needs alone.

The need to feel valued and appreciated. The need to feel supported and understood. The need to feel like you are being heard.

These are all things that tend to fall by the wayside as we deal with the business of life, kids and work.

The most important tip I can share here is that you need to make it really clear to your partner HOW they feel like their particular need is being fulfilled.

We all have needs on the mental, emotional and spiritual level.

When these needs are not being fulfilled then we will inevitably start feeling frustrated.

3. Communicating With Clarity

The ability to communicate clearly is all about expressing yourself fully. This can become harder as relationships become more argumentative.

One of the reasons why my wife is always irritated with me is because I too fall into old patterns. Discussions tend to follow the same pattern and before she can fully express herself I jump into the deep end.

Another very common pattern is that both husband and wife know what triggers the other. They tend to dance around sensitive topics to avoid certain reactions.

This usually leads to either party not being able to fully express what they think and feel.

You need to create a safe space where you both have an opportunity to share fully what you think and feel.

This may need a third party like a therapist or a relationship coach. This usually changes the dynamic. Being able to speak your mind without the fear of repercussions is vital in releasings the inner tension that causes irritation and frustration.

4. Letting Things Simmer

I’ve already alluded to this but when you allow problems to simmer inside of you then it builds the frustration and irritation.

Most often, when you say something out loud it releases the pressure.

When you are a nice person and you are generally polite you tend to suck it up and hold it in.

You may also want to avoid conflict and confrontation and you tend to hold in what bothers you most. You may even spend 2 or 3 days after an ‘incident’ to still stew inside.

This is highly toxic to a relationship. When you ‘secretly’ start to harbor resentment then it affects you in so many ways – ways that may not be evident or obvious on the outside.

Finding a way to calmly and lovingly air your issues it super important.

It not only clears the air but greatly improves the connection in the relationship as it fosters open and honest communication.

Feeling like you can freely share your feelings without triggering an argument of drawing judgement helps to break down the walls in a relationship.

5. The Need To Be Right

The need to be right is one of the biggest needs that your ego has. The ego always wants to be right, to be bigger than, and to be in charge.

So many arguments stem from this egotistical need to be right. You just want to win because you can not stand letting your partner win the argument.

In reality there are no winners in arguments like that!

When I was always arguing because I ‘knew’ that I was right then my wife was always irritated with me because her ego wanted the same.

And vice versa.

The way to deal with this is to simply learn to let your ego go. As you become more spiritually conscious and you understand that you are not your ego (this idea of what you think you are) then you can start to let go of it.

As your Higher Self becomes more prominent in your consciousness you start to understand unity, love, joy and compassion in a whole new light.

The need to be right becomes far less important.

The need for love, peace, joy and harmony starts to take centre stage and at this stage your relationships transform.

This is mostly why I believe that it onl;y takes one person to transform a relationship.

When you ARE love, joy and peace then you simply can not be in a toxic relationship. You can only attract that which is in harmony with your own energy.

If your wife or husband was always irritated with you, they will now go find someone else to be irritated with.

6. Reacting (Re Acting)

Most of the problems in relationships are not really problems at all. They are simply patterns of behaviour that gets repeated over and over again.

We tend to react. That is to re-act; to act out the same way that we did in the past.

These patterns of reacting to certain triggers tend to ruin most relationships. It is a great source of irritation because your partner does just one little thing and your pattern gets triggered.

The way to deal with this is to stop reacting and to start responding.

When you become conscious and more self aware you start to notice your own reactions. You also start to notice how your behaviors trigger your partner’s reactions.

Be present. Be fully present in your life and become more conscious of what is really happening around you.

One simple trick that works really well is to simply commit to taking 3 deep breaths before you react to anything.

The breathing gives you pause and turns your attention inwards. That stops you from reacting and it helps you to transcend the ego’s need to be in charge.


With a passion for spirituality, self discovery, and understanding this life, Neod spends his time musing about what is, what could be and what might come about. After writing for 20 years he's still growing, learning, exploring and sharing with love, joy and compassion.

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