Help! My Wife Is Always Angry And Negative

wife is always angry and negative

When your wife is always angry and negative then she is frustrated, feels unappreciated and probably has a mental habit of always seeing what is wrong.

Anger and negativity often goes hand in hand. When you are negative you are always looking for what is wrong and because that is your perception that is your reality. If your reality is only made up of everything that is wrong then it is no wonder that you will feel angry and frustrated with life.

One of the most powerful insights I ever learned was from Dr. Wayne Dyer.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

You may not be able to change your wife’s perception but by changing yourself, your own behavior and the influence you have you can have will be profound.

If you want to know why your wife is always angry and negative then there could be a million specific reasons.

For a start, you need to understand 3 important facts:

  1. You can not change other people
  2. You are not responsible for another’s mood, behaviors or attitudes
  3. You and your energy can affect much more than you think you can

Keep this in mind. It will free you from the self-blame and the frustrating attempts at trying to change another. It will also help you understand your own power to affect change through your own attitude and your own energy.

1. Decide who you want to be and fix that in your mind

When your wife is always angry and negative then you can easily get caught up in established patterns where you react. These reactions are not always verbal and does not always result in arguments.

In fact, the most lethal reactions are those that you stew over for days on end. You replay their words or actions in your mind over and over again – each time you get upset all over again.

Becoming aware of this is an important first step. Knowing that you react to certain patterns will help you notice when it happens and prompt you to initiate a changed attitude.

This changed attitude is one where you decide what you want to be and then stick to that only.

I decided some time ago that I want to be loving, kind and live a joyous life. That is my new ‘baseline’ and it is what I MUST be.

Many things will happen around me every day. Like most people, the majority of these things can prompt certain emotional reactions – especially well established patterns from my wife and those close to me.

When you are anchored in what you really want to be and stay with that as much as you can then you will start to transcend the ‘noise’ that distracts most people from their inner peace and joy.

2. Stop Reacting

Most arguments in relationships have absolutely nothing to do with what you are arguing about. Its reactions and memories that replay over and over again. Like an old record, there is a groove that creates a set path along which the argument unfolds.

When wife is always angry and negative then she is probably frustrated with some of these patterns – even though she may be unaware of it.

If you take charge and interrupt these patterns then that alone could help her with her anger and negativity.

Our reactions are habitual and they often happen without our conscious awareness. Making these unconscious patterns conscious and becoming aware of them is aq really important part of you living who you really want to be.

I love what Bob Proctor always says: you have to stop reacting and start responding.

When you respond you are present in the moment – you are conscious and aware and you get to make a deliberate decision.

3. I Send You Love And Light

When your wife is always angry and negative then you probably harbor a lot of negative thoughts towards her. It is frustrating when you live with (and love) someone who constantly seems unhappy and negative.

This can cause you to harbor negative feelings towards her too – especially when it keeps whirling around your own mind day and night.

Unconsciously you are contributing to the negativity.

The thoughts you think emit an energy and through the workings of the law of attraction you can only attract more of what you think about.

Instead of sending your wife anger, resentment or any other negative emotion through your own thoughts you need to stop and reverse that pattern.

When I now start to get angry, frustrated or even a bit depressed with my wife’s constant negativity I stop, go within and simply send her love and light. This is a simple technique I learned from Stewart Wilde.

When you go within and repeat in your mind ‘I send you love and light’ it instantly transforms your own energy. Not only do you immediately change the way you feel but it instantly changes the entire situation.

4. Give, Give and Give Some More

Anger and negativity is often a cry for help. Although negativity is often a mental habit, it often gets picked up unconsciously. If you grew up in a house where everyone was just negative and pessimistic all the time then there is a very slim chance that you will be different.

The stresses and strains of modern life often leads to negativity.

When you are always looking for what’s wrong then you simply can not see what’s good. It is simply a matter of perception but it creates that person’s reality.

One of the reasons why my wife was always angry was the fact that she felt unappreciated. She felt that she did so much for the family and never got a thank you or any real appreciation.

It made her feel like her sacrifices went unnoticed.

The need for love and connection is universal.

The business of life and all the stress and strain that comes with having kids often makes both husband and wife feel unloved and disconnected.

That situation can feel like a bottomless pit with no end in sight.

When there is no apparent light at the end of the tunnel it feels hopeless and helpless and anger becomes apparent when this frustration boils over.

When your focus shifts from ‘what can I get’ to ‘what can I give’ in your relationship then you will see a profound change.

Firstly, when you just give, give and give then it is only natural that the other person would want to reciprocate that.

Also, when your wife is always angry and negative then your giving attitude will instantly transform her since no one can send anger and negativity towards someone who embodies love and kindness with a sense of neverending giving.

5.Remove Your Ego From The Relationship

When your wife is always angry and negative you can easily turn that on yourself. As men we often feel responsible for the happiness of our spouses.

Men take this very personally.

This can actually perpetuate the problem. When she feels angry, sad and negative it actually makes you feel like a failure in some way.

Remember that you are never responsible for another’s thoughts or feelings. Your wife’s negativity is her own responsibility.

When you feel responsible or feel that you have to change her then it is your ego trying to rule. Your ego also wants you to be right and that often causes arguments since your point of view has to be defended.

Wayne Dyer used to say that you can choose to be right or you can choose to be happy – the choice is yours.

Choosing to be right is when your ego is in charge.

When you let go of that your Higher Self becomes more prominent and the natural result is that you become more loving, more kind and more joyous.

When these things well up from deep inside you, you can become a beacon of light. Your mere presence will start to change those around you.

When your positive energy is strong, genuine and rooted in love then no amount of negative energy can hold up in your presence.


With a passion for spirituality, self discovery, and understanding this life, Neod spends his time musing about what is, what could be and what might come about. After writing for 20 years he's still growing, learning, exploring and sharing with love, joy and compassion.

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